this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I need to stop coming to work sober
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
