I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
