Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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