She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
