they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
