His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize