have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
