I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
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