You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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