? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
