Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
