just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
