Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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