a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
