Banned from zoo.
Again?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Terrible idea I love it
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
