Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
