I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
