I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
