I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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