someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
