i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
The uberlube is also flammable
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
