i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
