you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
