I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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