you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
