This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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