It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
