that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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