you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Too much gin, very little bucket
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
