He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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