i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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