I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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