you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Randomize
