Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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