and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
