Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
