I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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