Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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