My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
