thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
