Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
