There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
