when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
