From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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