You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Randomize
