What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
