i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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