I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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