I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
