I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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