never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
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