as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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