Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize