Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
