omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
