I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
