Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
