You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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