We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
