he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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