I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
