I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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