In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
