I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
